Tuesday, December 15, 2009
When She Speaks, You Listen: Tha Lady Blogga "Club Etiquette 101"
Let me just say that I got a rude awakening that people still do inappropriate things in the club. Perhaps if I put some of these behaviors on blast, they will be seen and cease, IMMEDIATELY!!!
Rules for the Open Bar:
When you are at an event and it is open bar, posting up at the bar for the whole damn event is just ridiculous. Let other people be great and drink. Get your drink, leave, enjoy it and then come back for another. Your butt print should not be in the barstool. And even though the bar is free, you still have to tip the bartender!! And please don’t ask for more than one drink at a time. Walking away from the bar and sitting in the corner with 3 drinks at a time looks sad. And asking a woman if you can buy her a drink during open bar is just an automatic life fail…
The bathrooms in the club have to be the nastiest on the planet. I would much rather risk the chance of my bladder exploding than using a club stall. Vomit all over, people missing the toilet… And who actually goes to the club to do #2? Yes, I’ve seen that in an unflushed toilet too. And for those of you that are nasty enough get your groove on in the bathroom stall, please remove all condom paraphernalia. Keep in mind that you are exposing yourself to way more than the random person’s germs because those bathroom germs are lethal. And make sure the stall is LOCKED (O_o) Please and thanks.
Ladies, coming outside in last summer’s outfits in December is an automatic FAIL. When all else fails, grab a black tee and some jeans and pumps. Peek-toes are acceptable as long as there is no snow on the ground. I know you are going to be inside but, you have to arrive at the club first. Muffin tops, belly shirts (belly included) and booty-crack pants are also on the fail list. There is a simple solution to all of this, check the mirror before you leave the house. And fellas, leave the saggy pants, corduroy jackets, run-down shoes and all that at home. Please and thanks.
We all know that people are in close proximity of each other at the club. So it is important that certain things are in check. Your BREATH needs to be in check at all times. Gum, mints, cough drops are all inexpensive ways to keep your breath in check. Trying to holla at a person with dragon breath is just wrong. Drinking alcohol puts an automatic stench in the mouth that shouldn’t be shared. And armpit and other body odors need to be checked at the door as well. If you didn’t shower, applying cologne or perfume is NOT going to help the situation. And if I know you stink, you have to know you stink too.
Being on the dance floor is a must. Some people need to know the meaning of personal space. Dancing with a person does not include feeling them up over clothing or breathing and drooling heavily on ones neck. If there is a vibe, the parties involved will let each other know and they will act on it. Please don’t take it upon yourself to do things like that. And when the reggae comes on, please exit the dance floor if your idea of a dance is a dry hump with an erect penis. Grinding on a woman’s buttocks with your penis to the beat of your favorite Serani tune is NOT how it goes down. If a woman feels like having that done, she will let you know. Do not take it upon yourself to do that. Please.
You know damn well you need to have ID. I do not do lines. We are not friends so don’t ask me to get you in. Watching some of you squirm and wait and then get to the gate with no ID, is a life fail. How do you NOT have ID? And if you try to flex like you have juice with the door dudes and you get rejected, everyone should laugh at you. You know your place on the line chain. Don’t try to act extra.
Attempting to cuff:
If we just met, we will not be cuffin’ in the corner. If you buy someone a drink, I am sure they are thankful. But please don’t think that y’all are married now. Following someone around and killin’ the vibes with other people because you bought them a drink is irritating. If you exchange numbers, wait for the phone call. We didn’t arrive at the club together, we will not remain together after initial contact. And ladies, attempting to crotch block in the club is no bueno. If a female is having a moment with a dude you are feelin’ too, wait until he is finished. Competition is healthy but in the clubs, it will get you smacked.
So that’s basically it for me. If I missed anything, please feel free to comment below and let me know. I am sure there are other things I missed, these are just the most irritating to me.
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